Changing Times, Changing Hearts
by Hissing Willows
Summary: Growing up, Clarke was never too fond of Lexa. Forget the time she ripped her drawing in half; Her snide attitude, stubbornness, and overall pretentiousness was enough for Clarke to want nothing to with her. Its easy for Clarke to recall the exact moment that hatred began, but she still isn't quite sure how the hell that emotion completely changed. Growing up/High School AU.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I was gonna wait awhile to actually post this, but I've got like five or six chapters already pre-written, and I just couldn't help myself. The first two chapters are a little slow, but I've got lots of plans for this story. Hopefully, it'll end up being around thirty chapters. In a way, this first chapter is kinda a prologue- I originally wanted to do about five chapters per grade, but I honestly could not come up with enough plot for elementary school days. All of the interesting stuff happens from middle through high school!  
**

* * *

_**"Love and hate are essentially the same energy, but are simply expressed in different ways."- Unknown.**_

* * *

First day.

It was great excitement to Clarke. She got to pack a lunch of her own, with her mother's help, got to stuff crayons and pencils and paper into her Power Puff Girls backpack, and would get to make new friends.

Because their town was quite small, there was one elementary school, one middle school, one high school, and the nearest college was a thirty minute drive. Every kid would be going to Clarke's school, Ark Elementary, which meant she would have even more time to play with her friends.

Her father had dropped her off, and after planting a kiss on top of her head, she had hurried inside of the kindergarten classroom.

The teacher was an old, happy-looking red haired woman who had a surprisingly large bonsai on her desk. "Welcome," she said. "We're all just going to wait a few minutes to see if any stragglers make it in. In the meantime, there's paper in your desks! Feel free to draw and then we'll introduce ourselves."

Drawing! Clarke couldn't get the paper out of her desk fast enough. She absolutely loved drawing, and from the moment she could walk, was scribbling on anything she could, which included the walls of her house. Since that incident, Clarke's mother decided crayons would reside on top of the fridge.

Clarke happily unzipped her backpack and pulled out her twenty-four crayon pack. Her father had bought them on surprise for her. While Clarke was not too careful with her other toys, resulting in the destruction of more than one doll, she was delicate with art supplies. She opened them up and began to doodle a tree.

A couple minutes later, the girl sitting directly in front of her turned around to look at her.

Though Clarke, years later, had hazy memories about early childhood, she could pinpoint the _exact_ moment her mutual hatred for Lexa Woods began.

Something put her off before the girl had even opened her mouth. Was it that ridiculously long braid? Her scowl? Those enviable colored pencils on her desk? Whatever it was, it paled to what happened.

The girl's eyes wandered to Clarke's paper, and she sniffed haughtily. "I don't like your drawing," she declared.

"Yeah?" Clarke challenged, glaring at the girl. "I don't like your stupid hair!" As though she meant to emphasize this, she reached forward, grabbed the braid, and _yanked it. _

The girl let out a scream, and her hand sharply slid against the paper, ripping it clean down the middle. Their teacher turned around and gasped in horror. "Stop that!" she demanded, and Clarke released the girl's hair. "Stand up," the woman ordered. "What are your names?"

"Clarke," the blonde mumbled, starting to feel a little guilty.

"Lexa Woods," The girl that insulted her drawing declared loudly.

"Apologize," the teacher huffed. "I cannot believe- never have two students started fighting like this on the first day."

Clarke raised her chin. "Sorry." she said.

Lexa glared at her, before muttering something that _may_ have been an apology (though just as likely was an insult) and sat down.

Their teacher shook her head in disappointment. "My word," she muttered to herself.

The rest of kindergarten passed without much event. Clarke became close friends with a girl named Octavia, whose brother was in the sixth grade, and a pair of boys, Monty and Jasper, who were constantly stuck together. There was also Wells, the mayor's son, though she had known him since she was a baby, as their parents were close.

The summer was spent running around the forest with her pals, drawing, and playing board games with her father. First grade was another boring, hazy year. Letters, numbers, and less time to play.

By second grade, Clarke and Lexa had both established themselves as the top students in the class- but neither could stand to look at the other. They were always picking fights, whether it be verbal or physical.

By third grade, the principal's office was starting to feel as familiar as their classroom to both girls. They were sent there nearly every week, and it got to the point where the principal didn't bother to give his lecture on "Setting a good example for the rest of the class" (he now just shook his head and handed them busy work).

By fourth grade, the girls had found their own definite groups, and their little feud spread to everyone in their group. Clarke had gathered Wells, Octavia, Jasper, and Monty. There were kids who sometimes drifted into their group, such as Adam, Fox, or Murphy, but usually those few were the loner type. Lexa, on the other hand, had rallied a girl in the other fourth grade class, Costia (who had a similar issue with picking too many fights), Quill and Gustus from their own (who seemed to think they were born to serve the girl), and two fifth grade girls, Anya and Echo (who many kids would whisper snidely about them being 'lesbians', despite no one actually knowing what the word meant).

By fifth grade, they started having 'wars' in the forest. It all began when Clarke's group had been romping through the forest and discovered _Lexa's_ group also exploring. The two had began arguing, and then one thing led to another… and soon they were planning ways to get back at the other. They built camps with walls of bushes and plants, made up borders that they all crossed regardless, and started having battles by jumping one another from behind bushes, typically resulting in some kid throwing a rock at another's head and the victim crying to their parents. The whole ordeal was a wreck, but it was great fun to them (especially to the two ringleaders, who could take out their hatred on one another without getting themselves expelled.)

And by sixth grade, Clarke would often spend nights at Octavia's house, in which she would have to pass by Lexa's home, where she would often throw a pebble at the mailbox before scurrying past. Anya and Echo were now in middle school, and spent much less time involved in their forest adventures, saying it was a "little kid thing" (despite the two having spent the entire summer in the forest with them). Clarke and Lexa had managed to pretend to tolerate each other during school, and had for once had a year without their teacher looking down his or her nose at them.

The summer between elementary and middle school was slow, but passed too quickly for Clarke. She drew more, and would sometimes withdraw from the group to sit alone in the forest, sketching the trees and flowers and animals. On some nights, she would climb from her bedroom window to the roof to sit and look at the stars.

But, as all good things come to an end, they did, and in the worst possible ways.

Wells and Clarke got into a heated argument; Wells didn't believe that she should spent time in the woods anymore, and that she should stop paying attention to Lexa. Clarke told him, quite harshly, that she could do what she liked, and if he didn't like it, he was free to leave.

Then, the fire happened. Clarke's father was a firefighter, and the library had caught fire. They never did find who did it, but it was suspected some drunken teen had been lighting off fireworks. Her father went in, and he never came back out. Not alive, anyway.

And for Clarke, that was everything first fell apart.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I now realize there were a few mistakes in the first chapter that I forgot to go back and fix. They were supposed to be in Polis Elementary, and Bellamy should have been in third grade when they were in kindergarten. Oops.**

* * *

Clarke heaved her backpack onto her shoulder with a heavy sigh. _First day._

"Have a good day," her mother said, smiling, as Clarke got out of the car. The girl gave no reply. Clarke and her mother, Abby Griffin, had drifted apart ever since her father's death.

Clarke glanced at the small piece of paper that served as her schedule. First class: Gym. _Great,_ she thought sarcastically. _Get to work up a sweat and smell like ass for the rest of the day._ She plodded dutifully to the gymnasium. Clarke had been to the school's 'Pre-Back-To-School-Night', where they went on tours of Polis Junior High, received schedules, and met with the teachers who cared enough to show up. Clarke knew gym was first, but she'd been telling herself for the past week she was reading it wrong.

She walked in, and noticed the other victims of the class also moping around, some talking in small groups, and others sitting alone or in pairs on the bleachers.

"Alright, class! Wake up!" A tall man with a clipboard walked through the gym. "Sit in the bleachers and wait for roll call!"

Clarke plopped down, and a boy she didn't recognize sat besides her. "So, Princess," the wavy-haired boy said, leaning in. "No rest for the weary, huh?"

Clarke have him a slightly confused side-glance before replying, "Yeah. I guess."

The boy chuckled before the teacher spoke again. "Alright, first on the list, Octavia Blake?"

_Octavia has gym, too?_ Clarke looked around, but her friend was nowhere in sight.

After a moment, he went on. "Finn Collins?"

The boy beside her raised his hand. "Here."

_Finn._

The man continued calling names. "Clarke Griffin?"

Clarke raised her hand. "Here."

He continued. Some names, Clarke recalled, but others were new to her. She sort-of knew Monroe, who had moved to Polis in third grade, and Jasper of course was no stranger. Clarke zoned out before her heart stopped as he called the last name. "Lexa Woods?"

"Present."

Clarke turned around to see the girl sitting behind her. Lexa stuck out her tongue as she dropped her hand. _No rest for the weary for sure,_ Clarke thought bitterly. Despite her friendship 'breakup' with Wells, she _had considered _forgiving and forgetting, but now that she laid eyes on the girl again, she was ready to pull her hair out.

"That's everyone," the teacher confirmed. "You'll be running two laps first, then we'll playing kickball."

Clarke didn't think two laps could be that bad, until she realized it was basically running around the whole school twice.

Their teacher sent them out, blew the whistle, and they were off.

Some of the more athletic kids took off, and were halfway back before Clarke had made it a quarter of the way through. Others were strolling in the back as though they just did not give a damn. Clarke was in the rear-middle, jogging as best she could. Despite her forest adventures, she was more of a climber and a sit-and-watch-and-fall-on-your-fucking-face type of gal. She wasn't cut out for running.

She was surprised to see Finn jogging along happily beside her. "What a bunch of pricks, right?" he said, jerking his head in the direction of the kids who had just lapped them.

Now that, she could agree on. "Definitely," Clarke panted.

Lexa ran by, bumping roughly into Clarke as she blew by. Clarke muttered obscenities under her breath as she regained her balance. Finn chuckled. "You're making friends fast."

Clarke scoffed, but continued to jog along beside him. She decided she didn't mind the boy too much.

The game of kickball wasn't much fun- especially when Quill kicked the ball straight into Clarke's face.

As the bell rang for the class to end, Finn smiled down at her as she grabbed her bag. "You're kind of cute, Princess."

"And you're kind of stupid," Clarke snorted, brushing by him. She _might_ have been grinning a little.

Clarke headed off for English, knowing two things for certain:

One, that she still absolutely _despised_ Lexa Woods.

Two, that Finn Collins was pretty _goddamn_ cute himself.

* * *

The next few days that passed were almost like a dream to Clarke.

She had second period English with Wells (which kind of sucked), third period science with Costia and Fox (in which Costia spent the first week throwing bits of paper across the class at Clarke), fourth period art with a boy named Lincoln who was apparently Lexa's older brother (which Clarke had a hard time believing, due to his much more likable attitude), lunch, then fifth period history with Octavia and Monty, and sixth period algebra with Finn.

How was it that something as simple as a stupid boy made both of the classes Clarke hated seem so appealing?

On the fourth day of school (which happened to be Friday), Finn was walking out of sixth period with Clarke, chatting. When they reached the area where parents would drive by and pick up their kids, he inclined his head to the cars and asked, "You getting picked up?"

Clarke shook her head. "Nah, my mom's working late tonight, so I'm walking."

So Finn nodded and casually said, "So I won't get in trouble if I do this?"

Before Clarke could ask what he was talking about this time, Finn leaned in and kissed her. He pulled away quickly, smiled a little, and walked off.

Clarke stated after him, totally surprised. She touched her fingers to her lips, almost in disbelief. Then, smiling from ear-to-ear, she hurried off towards home, completely forgetting that she was supposed to wait for Octavia.

* * *

On Monday, there was a note in her locker. _Meet me in the woods at 5._

_Lexa!_ She wanted to fight in the forest again? Oh, it was _so_ on. She slipped a return note in Lexa's locker on her way to fifth period; _You're going down, Woods._

Another kiss from Finn and walk home later, and Clarke found herself in the woods. She glanced at the watch on her wrist. It was 5PM sharp.

A rustling caused her to spin around, ready to spring, but all that came out from the trees was Finn. "You came," he said.

Clarke gave him a bewildered look. "What are you doing here? I mean- not that I'm unhappy you're here, but, uh, why?"

Finn laughed. "I gave you that note."

It dawned on Clarke that she may have just reignited the war between her and Lexa. "Shit," she said. "I kind of assumed it was Lexa, and I might've put a note in her locker..."

"Who's kind of dumb, now?" Finn chuckled. "Whatever. They aren't here." he walked closer, smiling. "We're by ourselves."

His hands came to her hips, and he pushed her gently against a tree, pressing his lips to hers. Clarke's hand came up to hold onto the back of his neck, and she gasped a little as she felt his hand move from her hip to slide slowly down and into the back of her pants.

"What the hell?"

Finn practically sprung away in surprise as Lexa and Costia came walking up, Lexa looking slightly pissed, while Costia was amused as all hell. "You give me some note, and you're here with some guy?" Lexa shook her head. "I should've stayed home and done homework." she turned around, and Costia stuck out her tongue at them. Clarke watched the pair, and blinked in surprise when she saw Costia catch up to Lexa and intertwine her fingers with Lexa's. That surprise doubled when Costia planted a kiss on Lexa's cheek.

_What?_

Costia and Lexa?

It's not that Clarke was... against it, or anything. She'd grown to understand what that 'lesbian' word meant (Part in due to her mother's disapproving, suspicious mutters about a neighbor who lived seven doors down), but she never just really _realized_ that it actually happened. People calling someone a lesbian in Polis was like accusing someone of being a mermaid. No one took it seriously, because no one believed it existed, or at least not in their small town.

Well.

She was a little relieved, actually, that they interrupted. It had happened a little too quickly for her to process- and she certainly wasn't ready.

Finn scratched at the back of his neck. "Kinda a mood killer, huh?"

_He didn't notice them._ Clarke stared at her feet. "Finn, I'm- um, not really ready anyway." _I hardly know him, for one._

The boy looked disappointed, but smiled sheepishly anyway. "No problem," he said. "Whenever you're comfortable."

Clarke didn't think she'd ever met someone so perfect.

* * *

Well, turned out, Clarke had been _really fucking wrong_ about Finn.

Clarke and Finn weren't "official", but they might as well had been. He kissed her openly, they held hands, the usual 'couple-y' crap.

She was even, shockingly enough, on okay-ish terms with Lexa. It all started in a sort of awkward conversation that Lexa initiated, due to the lack of both Finn and Quill during P.E. one day.

"So, was that note to spite me?" Lexa grumbled to her as they sat waiting for class to start.

Clarke sighed. "Seriously, that a big mix up. I thought you were trying to pick a fight, so I intended to confirm with you."

Lexa made something between a grunt and a huff to acknowledge her words. "I didn't take you to be the sex-in-the-woods type of person."

"Yeah?" Clarke retorted sharply. "That's rich, coming from you. And for the record- we didn't have sex."

Lexa stared at her blankly for a long moment before the realization hit her. Clarke watched as the girl's face fell, and she could've sworn Lexa looked _afraid._ Lexa was _never_ scared. "You..."

Clarke dropped her voice. "I only saw her grab your hand and kiss your cheek, but it was kind of obvious." Seeing the horrified look on Lexa's face, she added quickly, "Hey- I didn't say anything. Finn didn't even notice. I can tell you don't want people to know, which makes sense, so your secret is safe with me."

Lexa stared at her before whispering, "Thank you. I... I would think you would want to spread something like that around."

Clarke shrugged. "Hey, I might hate your guts, but I'm not _that_ big of a bitch."

Lexa cracked the slightest of smiles. "I hate you, too. Now leave me alone."

Clarke had smirked. She _won_ that exchange, and it wasn't the leverage of information that she had. She'd gotten Lexa to _smile._

_Ah, but where were we?_

The end of it all.

Because that third week, Raven Reyes transferred from Ark, the town Finn was from, and totally fucked everything up.


	3. Chapter 3

**A small update, yes, but an update nonetheless. I'm finally getting off my long-ass hiatus!**

* * *

Now, Clarke did not blame Raven for the whole ordeal, but it was hard to not at least feel some resentment.

As Clarke learned on Raven's first day, Raven was Finn's _girlfriend._

She had raced up to Finn (just as he and Clarke were in the middle of a heated debate on what the _true_ best flavor of ice cream was), thrown her arms around Finn's neck, and kissed him.

Clarke avoided both of them for the rest of the day. She started crying as soon as she got home, and didn't stop until she fell asleep.

* * *

The next day, she came face-to-face with Raven, who now shared Clarke's Life Science class.

"You and Finn seem like good friends," Raven said cheerfully. "How's he been holding up?"

Clarke stared Raven dead in the eyes and bluntly said, "He cheated on you." _No good way to hear it, right?_ "With me, and never said you existed."

Raven excused herself to the bathroom, and didn't return until class was over. Her eyes were red and puffy and her fists were clenched.

By the end of the day, she'd (loudly) dumped Finn, Clarke had told him to fuck off, and by some miracle, the two had bonded over their mutually found hatred of Finn. Clarke may have gotten her heart broken, but she ended up finding a better friend in Raven.

The rest of the year- and middle school, for that matter- passed mostly uneventfully.

Finn tried countless times to reconnect with Clarke and Raven, and failed each.

By eighth grade, Clarke forgave Wells for their fight- but their friendship was short-lived, due to his father deciding he could find a better town for them. She didn't hear from him after.

And now- Clarke was finally on summer break, before she would enter the "wonders" of high school.

* * *

Clarke was just coming down the stairs to get breakfast. It was 9AM on a Sunday morning, and normally her mother would be just getting ready to head to church. Abigail Griffin was a woman of strict routine- she worked six days a week at the local hospital as a doctor, and attended church Sunday mornings before running all her errands and doing it all again. Being a doctor, she sometimes had to work early or late into the night if something serious came up. She was also a very religious woman- and held high standards for Clarke.

So when Clarke saw her mother sitting patiently at the kitchen table, hands folded, she knew something was up. "Morning," Clarke said, a little suspicious.

"Good morning," Abby said. "I think you should come to Mass with me today."

"I'll pass," Clarke muttered, walking around her mother to grab a bagel from the counter.

"Clarke," her mother pressed. "It's time you grow up and start being responsible. I know you're just getting ready to go into freshman year, but it's time you started looking at colleges, coming to church again, finding some extra-curricular activities…"

"Gee, thanks, Mom," Clarke said sarcastically. "Actually, since you brought it up, there's this great art school I wanted to look into."

Her mother pursed her lips disapprovingly. "You know how I feel about this, Clarke. Art is a nice hobby, but no career for a smart young lady like yourself. We're going to find you a nice medical school- or at least one with a strong medical program-" Her mom began droning on about Clarke's future.

The girl zoned out, her mother's words becoming a jumble as she nodded every few seconds with a well placed 'uh-huh' every here and there, popping a bagel into the toaster. Abby was still talking (_How does she still have shit to talk about?_), now having moved on to her "God will give you strength, Clarke," spheel.

"I'll think about it," Clarke finally cut in, grabbing her her bagel before plodding back up the stairs.

Clarke closed her bedroom door, taking a bite of her bagel. She was planning to go down to the river with Raven and Octavia around noon, so she had a couple of hours to kill. Clarke switched on the TV and scrolled through the channels- finally settling on _Love Actually_, despite it being halfway through. Clarke was a sucker for rom-coms, that was for sure.

Abby knocked on the door, and opened it without waiting. "I have to run," she said quickly. "Just got a call from ER. Huge car accident, and they're swamped. If I'm not back by dinner we've got frozen pizza or ramen."

"Good luck," Clarke called back as her mother jogged down the stairs, nibbling on the last half of her bagel.

_Well. Party time._ Clarke celebrated her mother's departure by cranking the volume up on her TV well past seventy and fished out a box of candy from her closet. Ah, the joys of being alone.

* * *

"I found a giant fucking frog!" Raven declared, holding up the _biggest_ frog Clarke had ever seen.

"Yeah?" Octavia challenged. "I found one the size of my _head_ one time."

Clarke rolled her eyes, splashing some water at Octavia. "Yeah, was that the time you discovered Atlantis and learned how to fly."

Octavia kicked some water in Clarke's direction as a response. "Oh, fuck _off_."

Raven set down her frog, who croaked and hopped away. "School starts in a week," she sighed. "What d'you think it'll be like?"

"Bellamy says it's like middle school, but more work and more hormones," Octavia said, sitting on the shore. "So people just get more pretentious."

Octavia's brother Bellamy was now a junior at Polis High, and was like a big brother to the rest of the gang.

"I hope the food will be better, at least," Raven muttered.

Clarke laughed. That was Raven as usual, always thinking of her stomach. Clarke laid back in the grass, staring up at the sky. Soon, summer would be over, and it was nice to kick back and relax.

* * *

Abby returned home a bit after seven, looking worn out as she set her bag down.

Clarke was lounging in the kitchen, popping a bag of popcorn in the microwave. "How'd it go?" She asked as the microwave beeped.

Abby rubbed her temples with a heavy sigh. "I just had a girl die in the emergency room. Car crash with her mother. The mother is still in critical, but the girl died." Abby sat down on the table. "She was in your grade, I think. Costia Rose."

The name hit Clarke like a sack of bricks. "Holy shit," Clarke whispered, leaning against the counter. Suddenly, popcorn didn't seem so appealing.

Abby didn't even bother to reprimand her for swearing for once. "Did you know her?" she asked tiredly.

"Sort of," Clarke said quietly. "We weren't exactly friends- Oh God, it's going to _kill_ Lexa." The last words were whispered under her breath. _Poor Lexa. I don't know what to even think- I can't believe that she's just __**dead.**_

Clarke grabbed her popcorn anyway and started to head towards the stairs. "I can't believe she's dead," she repeated, this time out loud.

"Life is fragile," her mother said quietly. "It can be taken away so swiftly."

Clarke nodded numbly. "Don't we know it," she murmured, before heading up the stairs and into her room.

* * *

Clarke couldn't sleep.

It was past 1AM, and all she could think of was that Costia was gone and that Lexa was probably devastated.

So, she got out of bed, climbed up and out of her window and onto the roof. She stared at the sky for awhile, thinking of nothing in particular. She always came up here when she couldn't sleep, and it was the most relaxing thing she could do. The night was more or less silent, until she heard the crunching of footsteps on loose asphalt. Clarke looked down to see a girl half walking, half stumbling down the road. She then realized that the girl was _Lexa._ _What the hell is she doing out here so late?_

"Lexa!" She called, as quietly as she could. The girl halted, looking confused as she looked in Clarke's direction. "Up here!" Clarke hissed.

After a long moment, Lexa walked towards the house, staring silently at the blonde.

"Come up," Clarke said, biting her lip. _She probably already heard about Costia._

Lexa shook her head.

"Come on," Clarke pressed. "You can climb up that tree. It's easy."

She thought Lexa would refuse, but she heard a quiet, raspy "Okay," and in a few moments, Lexa had scaled the tree and made it to the roof, sitting besides Clarke.

"You okay?" Clarke asked, giving the girl a concerned look.

"Costia is dead," Lexa whispered, and Clarke noticed the silent sob that shook her body.

"I know," Clarke murmured. "I heard. I'm so sorry."

Lexa's sob was audible this time. Clarke bit her lip again before putting her arm around the girl and drawing her close. To her surprise, Lexa let her, resting her head in the crook of Clarke's neck.

"Where were you going?" Clarke asked gently.

"The forest," Lexa whispered. "I was thinking about throwing myself in the river. The really deep part."

Clarke's eyes widened. "_Lexa._" she whispered.

"Stop," Lexa said. "I'm not going to. Just let me sit here and shut up."

"Okay," Clarke said, leaning her head against Lexa's. "Okay."

In that moment- there was no bitterness or hatred or snideness. They were just two girls, and they were fine with that. Lexa did not leave that rooftop until the sun started to rise.


	4. Chapter 4

**Whaaat? Two updates in two dates? Who am I?**

**Anyway, thanks for the kind reviews, and much thanks for putting up with that ridiculous wait for the last chapter. Hope you like this one just as much!**

* * *

"Clarke!"

Clarke snapped out of her daydreaming, looking up from her seat and the lunch table to see Raven and Octavia making their way to the table, Jasper and Monty hot on their heels.

"You good?" Octavia asked, sliding onto the bench beside her. "You look worried about something."

Clarke nodded quickly, looking at her untouched lunch. "Fine," she muttered. "Just thinking."

The truth was, sure, she was thinking- about Lexa.

Ever since that night on the roof two weeks ago, Clarke was sent into jitters whenever she saw the girl. Her tongue was tied in knots, her mind went fifty miles a minute, and she felt the oddest sensation in her stomach- something between feeling like getting punched in the gut and wanting to throw up but somehow it was a _good_ feeling, and confused the living crap out of her.

Clarke simply didn't understand.

She passed it off as worrying for Lexa. If the girl wasn't cold and stoned-faced enough before, she sure as hell was now- but Clarke could hardly blame her.

"So…" Octavia started, smiling slyly. "I know who's into Clarke."

(Why the hell did Lexa pop into her head?)

Clarke sighed. "Who?"

"Three guesses," her friend smirked. "Then I'll tell you."

"Finn?"

"Wouldn't surprise me-" Octavia reckoned. "Sorry. No offense, Raven."

"None taken," Raven grumbled, taking a bite of her soggy burger. "He's an ass."

Clarke sighed again. "Jasper?"

"Gross!" Jasper protested. "I mean, I love ya, Clarke, but not a chance."

"One more," Octavia said in a sing-song voice.

Clarke gave up. _This is stupid._ "Murphy?"

Octavia wrinkled her nose. "Gross. No. Fine. It's Bellamy."

Clarke's jaw dropped. "What? You're totally fucking with me."

Octavia's smirk returned. "Well? Admit it, you're totally into him, too. Admit it!"

"Seriously, I'm not." Clarke rolled her eyes. "Not gonna happen."

"Come on!" Octavia insisted. "It'd be totally gross to see you guys kiss, but I wouldn't mind having you as a sister."

Clarke looked at Octavia as though she just suggested Clarke go bomb a city. "I'm _not_ dating your brother," Clarke said firmly. "Never. He's like a big brother. Plus, he's a _senior._"

The brunette sighed. "Fine. Way to ruin my fun."

"Say," Clarke interrupted, eager to change the subject. "What do you guys think of Lexa?"

"She's kind of hot," Jasper said, shrugging.

Clarke rolled her eyes. She'd almost informed him "_She's into girls, dumbass!"_, before she stopped herself.

She then realized she had no idea what her friends thought of the subject.

Polis fit that stereotype of a small town- full of gossip, religious freaks, and best of all, homophobes. While no, not _everyone_ in her town was like that (Take Clarke, for example), too many were. Clarke almost wanted to follow up with a question of _Say, do you guys have a problem taking it up the ass?_, but she didn't want them to suspect _her_ of being gay.

_Not that I am._

"I don't like her," Octavia decided. "She's the kind of person who'd know the whole town was about to blow up and leave without saying anything."

"That's totally ridiculous, and you've got a fucked-up imagination," Raven shook her head, sighing. "That's a little drastic. Anyway, I don't know her well enough. She's okay, I guess. I haven't really ever talked to her."

Monty offered no opinion, and simply continued to stuff his face.

"I feel really bad for her," Clarke said. "Costia just died, and she was her- um, her best friend."

Raven nodded sympathetically. "That's gotta suck ass."

The bell rang, ending any further discussion. As the crew gathered their things, Clarke said, "I think I'll invite her to sit with us next week," and hustled off to class before anyone could argue.

Clarke made her way through the crowded hall to fifth period- World History.

She slid into her desk just as the bell rang again. Clarke shared this class with Lexa, but never spoke to her. Lexa sat up in the front, besides Anya, while Clarke sat in the back, where she could doodle on her notes freely without being noticed. (Usually.)

Mr. Kane started off by droning on and on about World War II and the Nazis- and Clarke only snapped to attention when a paper was placed on her desk. "Pay attention, Clarke." Mr. Kane grumbled as he shuffled by.

'_Project: WW2 Research'_

"Your assignment will be on a topic related to the war. I will be assigning you a topic, as well as a partner. And before you ask, no, you may _not_ pick your partner or trade topics. You will need at least six sources- _not_ Wikipeda, and you will write a two to four page essay that addresses the history, cause, importance, and you and your partner's opinion of the topic assigned. Then, you will create a powerpoint presentation that briefly talks about each main point in your paper. This is all due Monday."

The whole class groaned. It was Friday now, which gave them two- two and a half, if you counted today- days to work on the _whole project._

Mr. Kane then began to write names and topics on the board.

_Clarke - Lexa - Concentration Camps_

Clarke's eyes met with Lexa's as the brunette turned around to glance at her, expression unreadable.

_Well,_ Clark thought. _It can't be horrible_.

(There was that feeling again.)

Clarke was a little surprised when the bell rang, ending fifth period. Had she really been spacing out for that long?

As she was packing her bag, Clarke looked up to see Lexa holding out her phone. "Put your number in." She ordered briskly. "So we can do the project."

Clarke took Lexa's phone- the girl had already opened the "New Contact"- and typed in her number.

Lexa nodded quickly. "Do some research tonight. You can come to my house tomorrow to work on it, and I will come to yours Sunday."

"Aye, aye, Captain," Clarke said, jokingly, and felt awkward when Lexa's blank expression remained the same. "Yeah, that should work." she sighed. "See you then, I guess."

"Bye." Lexa said quickly, turning and walking out the door.

(Again.)

* * *

Clarke was in school- no, she was in the forest. Right? Maybe the forest _was_ the school. That made sense.

Finn was leaning against a tree, smiling. "Hey, Princess."

"What do you want?" Clarke asked. She wanted to be angry. To kick him or something. But she was sitting on the ground. She felt slow.

Finn just laughed and started to walk away. "Will I get in trouble if I do this?"

"Wait!" Clarke jumped up, and tried to jog after him, but was stuck a step behind. "Where's Raven?" _And Jasper. Where's Jasper?_

"No rest for the weary," The boy remarked before ducking behind a tree.

When Clarke caught up, he turned around, grabbed her face, and pressed his lips to hers.

Who even was Raven?

Clarke's hands came up to tangle in his hair- which was… longer than she recalled. And since when did he smell like that?

Clarke pulled away, confused. She then realised that she was neither at school, nor in the forest- but on her rooftop. It was nighttime.

And Finn was not Finn.

Finn was Lexa.

Lexa opened her mouth to speak. "In 1933, the first German concentration camp opened. Costia is dead. Gonna go in the river. Really deep."

Clarke's eyes flew open, and she was breathing heavily. She was in bed, awake. _Just a dream._ The strange dream was so _vivid._

And she…

She dreamed about Lexa.

About _kissing_ Lexa.

Clarke ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head. Dreams were weird, the just happened, and you couldn't explain them. She didn't buy into that crap about dreams being about your fears. (Or desires.)

Clarke picked up her phone from the dresser by her bed, and checked the screen. 2:07AM. Fantastic.

She did a mental double-take as she noticed the notification that was on the lock screen.

_Lexa (23m ago): Are you awake?_

Clarke unlocked her phone to send a quick reply. _Yeah. What's up?_

The reply, surprisingly, came in less than thirty seconds.

Lexa [2:08AM] Can't sleep. I need to talk to someone.

Clarke [2:08AM] Why me?

Lexa [2:08AM] Anya hates talking about feelings

Lexa [2:08AM] and I don't have any real friends now so I figured you'd do

Clarke [2:09AM] Really? Nice girl like you?

Clarke {[2:09AM] Sorry. That was mean. I'm all ears. Or eyes. Since we're texting

Lexa [2:09AM] dork.

Lexa [2:09AM] I can't stop thinking about Costia

Lexa [2:11AM] I saw her in the hospital and she was so broken and she's the only person I've truly trusted and it's stupid, because we're freshmen, but I think I loved her

Lexa [2:12AM] Maybe I feel like I can talk to you because you knew about us.

Clarke [2:12AM] I'm the only one? Not even Quill or Gustus or Anya?

Lexa [2:13AM] like I said

Lexa [2:13AM] My only real friend was Costia

Lexa [2:14AM] and now I'm alone

Lexa [2:14AM] and I don't want your damn sympathy

Lexa [2:15AM] I just need to talk to someone

Lexa [2:15AM] I don't know.

Lexa [2:15AM] I'm sorry.

Clarke [2:16AM] You wanna come sit on my roof again? The moon is really cool and I've got a telescope somewhere

Lexa [2:19AM] On my way.

Clarke caught herself smiling. _Its just because we're becoming friends._

She got up and opened her closet, and it took only a minute to dig out the telescope from under a pile of old, no longer used toys. It was kind of cheap, but it did the trick.

Plus, it had been a birthday present from her dad.

Clarke snuck down to the kitchen to snatch a bag of potato chips and then went back to her room. From there, she grabbed the telescope, and after pushing it up to the roof, she climbed up after it. She sat alone for a few minutes, staring quietly at the stars.

Clarke looked down when she heard a skidding, crunching noise and saw Lexa coming to a stop in front of her house, on a skateboard. After Lexa left it under the tree and climbed up, Clarke elbowed her. "Since when do you skate?"

Lexa shrugged. "Lincoln taught me over the summer. It's kind of fun once you get the hang of it." She looked up at the sky, and Clarke felt warm as she saw a ghost of a smile. "The moon is pretty cool," she said. "It's a harvest moon."

Clarke nodded, not actually having any idea what she was talking about.

Lexa pointed up. "There's Libra. And one of the dippers."

"English?" Clarke asked, only half joking.

Lexa rolled her eyes. "Constellations, idiot. Libra is a part of the zodiac. You know, like horoscopes? You've never heard of them?"

Clarke sniffed. "Well, I _sort of_ know what Libra is, since I apparently am one. Not that I know jack shit about what that means."

"You seriously don't know about your signs?" Clarke couldn't help but giggle when Lexa groaned.

"Sign_s_?" Clarke arched a brow. "As in, more than one?"

"You're hopeless," Lexa muttered.

"Tell me about them, then," Clarke nudged her again as she opened the chips.

"There's twelve signs," Lexa began. "And they make up your horoscope chart. And they're all constellations, and when and where you were born and the positions of the stars and planets determines them."

"Sounds complicated," Clarke mumbled around a mouthful of chips.

Lexa started reciting the signs. "There's Aries, Taurus, Pisces, Aquarius, Gemini, Virgo, Cancer, Libra, Leo, Capricorn, Scorpio, and Sagittarius."

"How do you remember all those?" Clarke asked, munching on more chips. Though none of this was registering with her, she was enjoying Lexa opening up and talking.

Lexa rolled her eyes, grabbing the bag from Clarke. "It's called a memory, Clarke. You should try investing in one some time. Anyway. Your sun sign is Libra. Based off that, you like things fair. You're a cardinal sign, so you command change, and because of your air sign, its probably intellectual. Libras are charming and problem-solvers, but you're probably self-centered and flirty."

_Jeeze. She really knows her shit._ Clarke waggled her eyebrows jokingly. "What's wrong with being flirty? What's your sign?"

"Taurus sun, Virgo moon, and Aries rising," Lexa said, as though that would make sense to Clarke.

"And?" Clarke asked. "What do those mean?"

Lexa laid back on the roof, folding her arms behind her head. "Taurus means you are loyal, stubborn, set in your ways, and sensually pleased."

"Oh?" Clarke raised her eyebrows suggestively again. "Sensually _pleased,_ huh?"

"Shut up," Clarke smiled at Lexa's quiet chuckle. "Sensual, not sexual. As in the _senses_. Smells, tastes, etcetera. I really like smelling candles." Clarke's smile widened into a grin as Lexa blushed in embarrassment. "That sounds so weird to say out loud."

"Hot wax fetish?" Clarke suggested, snickering as she laid down beside Lexa.

"Asshole." Lexa jabbed her in the side with an elbow. "No, actually, my mom used to make them homemade. They always smelled so nice. It reminds me of her."

Clarke frowned. "Used to?"

Lexa looked away. "Costia's death is hard, really hard, but I'm used to it."

Clarke rolled over, expression changing to that of concern and empathy. "My dad died after sixth grade," Clarke said softly. "So I do know what it's like."

Lexa's expression softened as well. "I didn't know," she said quietly. "I could tell something was off about you in seventh grade."

Clarke blinked. "You paid _that_ much attention to me?"

Lexa rolled her eyes yet again. "We had a class together. Plus, I hated you."

"You know," Clarke said, suddenly, smile returning. "I read somewhere that hate and love are basically the same thing."

"Yeah?" Lexa muttered, rolling over on her back to stare up at the sky. "Well, I really hate you."

(_Again._)

"Come on," Clarke laughed. "You don't fool me with that uncaring attitude of yours."

Lexa smiled a little. "Whatever you say."

Clarke sat up. "Whatever. You want to use this telescope or not?"

(That feeling remained all night.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Three updates in three days! I'm on a roll. Short, I know, but I'm copying these over from my notebook still. They seem a lot longer in there. Once I finish copying over, chapters should be longer.**

* * *

The next morning, it was eleven by the time Clarke groggily awoke. Lexa had stayed over until 4AM, and now she was tired as hell.

Still…

She didn't mind it so much.

Clarke was supposed to go to Lexa's at noon, so she begrudgingly rolled out of bed and headed downstairs. Her mother had already left for the day, so there was no one to tease her about getting up so late.

Clarke had some cereal, downed a cup of juice, got dressed, and grabbed her laptop before slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading out the door.

It was only a quarter of a mile to Lexa's house, which was nothing to Clarke, as she had gotten used to walking to Octavia's house on weekends (And somehow, those God-awful laps she did every day in P.E. were slightly improving her physical shape). She knew the way by heart.

When Clarke came upon the house, she almost instinctively picked up something to toss at the mailbox. Instead, she grinned inwardly, wondering why she'd ever started doing that in the first place. She walked up to the door and knocked three times, since there was no doorbell.

The door opened, and a stern-looking, dark-skinned woman stood in the doorway.

Clarke offered a hand. If this woman was anything like Lexa, she'd best make a good impression on her. "Hello," she said, smiling. "I'm Clarke. Lexa and I are working on a project together."

The woman stared at her outstretched hand for a moment, expression stony, before taking it in a firm grip and shaking it. "Polite," the woman remarked. "Lexa! Your partner is here." she moved aside. "Come in, Clarke."

Clarke stepped inside. The house was small, with a kitchen to her left, a small living room to the right, and one short hallway that led to the bedrooms.

A door at the end of the hall opened. "Hey, Clarke." Lexa walked down the hall to greet her. "This is my aunt, Indra. Lincoln is studying in his room."

"Nice to meet you," Clarke smiled again at Indra, who nodded silently before heading into the kitchen.

"Come on. My bedroom's back here." Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand to pull her down the hall, who followed obediently. (Tried to ignore that lurch in her stomach and the tingling in her hand.)

Lexa's room was fairly plain. A bed lay under the window, straight ahead, curtains drawn back to allow sunlight to spill into the room. A small closet along the wall to the right. A tiny dresser set at the end of her bed. And finally, a long bookshelf, filled with books of all shapes and sizes, and adorned with candles a similarly wide variety, along the wall to the left. Two of the large candles were lit, filling the room with a sweet, pleasant scent.

"Well," Lexa said, sitting on her bed. "Better get started. Did you bring your computer?"

"Yep," Clarke held up her bag as she sat beside Lexa, and took out the laptop.

"Good." Lexa opened the laptop that had been lying on her bed. "So, start researching. I'll share a document with you."

The two girls quietly got to work, leaning slightly against each other as the day progressed. Occasionally, they would speak if one found a particularly interesting fact, but other than that, they were able to comfortably do their work without talking. The silence wasn't awkward, it simply fell into place, and they didn't seem to mind.

They worked until 6:30- and did twice the amount of work they planned on completing for the day. Their research was complete, and the paper was fully written. Now, they'd just have to do the powerpoint tomorrow, which probably would take much less time.

Clarke started to pack her stuff up, and Indra appeared in the doorway. "What are you doing for dinner, Clarke?"

The girl shrugged. "My mom'll probably be late again, as usual, so I'll probably microwave myself some pizza bites."

Indra looked nearly offended. "Nonsense," she said. "You stay for dinner. Get some real food in you."

Clarke smiled. "Okay. Sure. Thank you."

Lexa was smiling a little, too. "Wait until you taste her food."

Dinner was finished in ten minutes, and the two girls came out to see Lincoln helping Indra set out steaming plates of spaghetti. Lexa sat at the round wooden table, and Clarke took the seat to the left of her. Lincoln was on the other side of Clarke, while Indra sat across from her.

"Eat," Indra ordered, firmly, and they all dug in.

The tiniest moan escaped Clarke as she tasted the meal. "Wow," she said between mouthfuls. "This is so good. Oh my god. I forgot what real food tastes like. My mom rarely cooks anymore, she's so busy."

Indra looked to Clarke with interest. "So, Clarke, what do wish to do in the future? For a living?"

Lincoln snorted, and Lexa groaned in exasperation. "Aunt Indra, _please._"

"What?" Indra side-eyed her niece. "Can't I show interest in your new _friend_?"

"God," Lexa muttered. "We're not like that _at all._"

Lincoln was laughing quietly, and Clarke couldn't help but crack a smirk at Lexa's embarrassment. "It's fine," she said. "I want to be an artist."

Lincoln stopped laughing and looked genuinely interested. "You any good?"

Clarke nodded, looking at her plate, a little self-conscious. "I hope so, at least."

"Then you should pursue it," Indra said, surprising Clarke a little. "It takes skill _and_ motivation."

Clarke blinked. Other than her father, she never had received much support for her dream to become an artist. "Thank you," she said, a little quiet. "That actually means a lot to me."

Lexa's family be stern- detached, even- but they were surprisingly nice, and Clarke was starting to like them very much.

After dinner was over, Lexa and Clarke stood outside of the house, saying goodbye. "Sorry if my aunt was a little, um, overbearing," Lexa mumbled, scratching the back of her neck. Clarke had never seen the girl so awkward and embarrassed. It was a little endearing.

"I love her," Clarke laughed. "She's nice. And if her cooking is that great, I might have to come over more often."

"I think I'd like that," Lexa smiled softly. "It's kind of lonely, now."

Clarke, surprising herself, pulled the girl into an embrace. "Maybe you won't be anymore."

Lexa was stiff for a moment, before she too wrapped her arms gently around Clarke's back. "Maybe," she murmured.

They held the hug for a minute longer before Clarke pulled away, smiling, and hurried off towards home.

Lexa watched her go until long after Clarke was lost from sight.

* * *

Clarke shut the door, sighing tiredly as she kicked off her boots.

She froze when she saw her mother sitting at the table. "Mom," she croaked. "You're home."

"Where were you?" Abby demanded, eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"I was at a friend's, working on a project." Clarke felt she could call Lexa that now.

"You honestly expect me to believe that crap?" Abby's harsh tone startled Clarke. "With the way your grades are?"

"What do you want me to say?" Clarke clenched her fists. "I have A's in Art and World History."

"And an F in Geometry, a C in Bio, and a C in P.E.! Do you even _care_ about your future, about your education? Do you _want_ to end up in the streets, Clarke?"

"I'm doing fine!" Clarke snapped, voice rising sharply. "I just finished over half a project in one day, and my math is already done. Sorry that I have shitty endurance and I don't give a _shit_ about science!"

"Watch your mouth," Abby spat. "You'd better '_give a shit'_ about science. You're going to become a doctor. You'll make a real living then, and not be begging for pennies and smoking pot with artists! Being an artist is no _career_, it's a bullshit hobby for queers and stoners."

Abby's outburst struck Clarke into silence, especially the last bit.

Finally, hot tears of anger and hurt burning in her eyes, she said "I don't know what the _fuck_ your problem is, but I'm going to my room." She ran up the stairs, ignoring her mother's outraged call, and slammed her door.

Clarke sat on her bed, tears falling. She _hated_ that her mother could be like that. She pulled out her phone as a hard sob wracked her body and sent Lexa a text. Within two minutes, the reply arrived, as did Clarke's relieved, wet smile.

Lexa: [8:27PM] What's up?

And so, without a second thought, Clarke poured out all her anger and hurt and thoughts and emotions and Lexa was _kind_.

Lexa [8:39PM] I'm so sorry. That's incredibly cruel and unfair.

They texted for hours. Clarke got lost in the conversation, which drifted from one topic to another.

Lexa [10:57PM] I'm feeling really guilty. I think i might be starting to like this girl and Costia has been gone for only two months

Lexa [10:58PM] but I'm not really sure yet so I won't say anything

Lexa [10:58PM] ...Plus, i'm not entirely sure if she likes girls. i don't think she does.

Clarke felt a little prick- of what?

Clarke [10:59PM] don't feel bad. you can't help who you like

Clarke [10:59PM] plus, how could ANYONE resist your charms?

Lexa [11:00PM] ah, yes. i'm just so irresistible.

Lexa [11:00PM] You better not go falling for me, then.

Clarke wasn't sure why she felt her heart was going a mile a minute.

Clarke [11:01PM] Oh yeah? No problem. just make sure YOU don't fall for ME

* * *

Lexa smiled weakly. Her hands trembled as she typed out the reply.

Lexa [11:01PM] of course not.

She shakily wiped a hand across her eyes, forbidden the unshed tears to fall. She wasn't going to cry. Not over Clarke.

_Too late, Clarke,_ she thought.

_Too fucking late._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Can you tell I don't like Abby? I don't like Abby. She's actually pretty awful in the show (like being a big part of the reason the kids were sent to the ground when they were pretty certain they'd die, hitting Raven for defending Clarke, rarely actually having faith in Clarke, etc.)**

**Anyway, are you getting used to these quick updates? They're probably gonna end soon. Updates won't be **_**too**_ **far apart, but they won't be every night anymore. Also, I realise now that this story is probably going to have more angst than humor, so I've changed that. This'll also probably be the last short-ish chapter. I would've continued from the end, but it just felt like a good place to end. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Josef Mengele was a doctor in Auschwitz that did experiments on twins. He believed that somehow through his research he could find a way to ensure that a woman would give birth to blond-haired, blue-eyed kids, and that was supposed to save the world."

Lexa hit the next slide as Clarke finished speaking. "Though concentration camps are always associated with the genocide of Jewish people," she started, pointing out old black-and-white photos of prisoners. "They also held a number of other groups prisoner, such as criminals, the disabled, Roma Gypsies, Christians, and homosexuals."

"Hitler was right on one thing," Murphy sneered, and a couple of other guys laughed.

Clarke felt hot anger burning in her gut at his words. "Do you have a problem, Murphy?"

Murphy gave her a scathing look. "What, are you a fucking queer, too, Clarke?"

Lexa clenched her fists, and opened her mouth to give a sharp reply, but Mr. Kane interjected. "Murphy, office, now."

Murphy glared at the teacher. "What?"

"I've had to remind you four times now to not interrupt during presentations," Kane said sharply. "And what you said was unacceptable. You can wait in the office until I get there."

"Ugh." Murphy grabbed his bag and stormed out of the room. "This is stupid."

Clarke glanced at Lexa, and saw that she was grinning.

They finished their presentation, which received close to full credit, and left the class. They'd been one of the last pairs to present, and it was now Thursday.

Before they went their separate ways, Lexa stopped Clarke in the hallway. "Hey. Are you okay? It looked like what Murphy said really got to you."

"I'm fine," Clarke said, swallowing when Lexa's hand gripped her arm slightly. _(Why was Lexa so close?)_ "What he said was really shitty, that's all." (No, seriously, there was like, an inch of space between them.)

Lexa nodded, but didn't look convinced. "I mean, I appreciated it." (Clarke hadn't noticed before how soft Lexa's lips looked.) "You kind of stuck up for me, even if Murphy didn't see it like that." (Her eyes also _really_ pretty up close.) "But-" Lexa looked away for a short moment- (She bit her lip, too) "-I've got to ask, was it for personal reasons, too?"

Clarke snapped out of her daze. "I…"

The bell rang.

"I've got to go!" Clarke pulled out of Lexa's grasp and took off down the hall, trying to push away thoughts of Lexa and her sudden question.

Because Clarke realised, she didn't really know the answer.

* * *

Six days had passed.

Clarke was avoiding Lexa.

She'd managed to be the first one in and the last one out of World History every day. She kept deleting Lexa's increasingly frantic texts. She ducked behind whoever was close enough whenever the girl passed by in the hall.

Clarke was avoiding Lexa because still, six days later, she had no idea how to answer Lexa's question, and for some reason it was eating away at her.

Not to mention, being at home was like walking on eggshells when her mother was home.

Abby had been cold and short since their fight, and Clarke avoided her mother as much as possible. Which, considering Abby's busy schedule, wasn't too difficult.

Clarke now lay sleepless in bed, thoughts jumbled.

She didn't understand the feelings she'd been having since her and Lexa got close. She'd been sent into jitters, and got butterflies in her stomach.

Probably what unnerved her most about it was that it reminded of her of how _Finn_ made her feel.

Finn, a _boy._ Lexa was _not_ a boy.

Clarke tossed and turned for what felt like years, until she finally gave up. _Fuck this._

She rolled towards the end of her bed, and found her laptop. She opened it up, turned in on, and once it was ready she opened Google.

Clarke's mouth was dry and her face felt hot. Her heart was pounding.

Tentatively, she typed,

'_I like both genders'_

There were millions of results.

Clarke's eyes settled upon a word in one of the titles- _bisexual._ She erased her search and typed it in. The first result was a Wikipedia article.

She read through. As she soaked in the information, from both it and other sites, she felt a sense of calm relief wash over her. Like she was holding her breath underwater for hours and now she could finally _breathe._

Clarke wasn't alone.

She wasn't _broken._

Clarke spent the next few hours looking through the internet, a smile fixed on her face. She couldn't _believe_ that these feelings actually were _real_. That they made _sense_ and that she didn't have to keep pondering what the _hell_ was wrong with her.

She learned that _millions_ of people were bisexual. That some people didn't feel attracted to anyone at all. That some people identified as a different gender and that there was an entire fucking _spectrum_ of genders out there. (Which sounded like the coolest shit, to her.)

Clarke learned so much in the span of two hours.

It wasn't until after she shut off her computer, and laid back on her bed, she felt crushing fear.

_Do I really like Lexa?_

_Does Lexa like me?_

_What's Mom going to say? What's she going to _do_? _

What if her mom hated her for it? _She wouldn't,_ Clarke thought, biting her lip. _She wouldn't hate me for something like that. She might say shitty things about other people but she wouldn't hurt me. Not me._

Regardless of _any_ of this, Clarke knew she couldn't just keep avoiding Lexa. _I've been a huge fucking asshole,_ Clarke thought, grabbing her phone. _She probably thinks I hate her or something._

Clarke [1:06AM] Come over.

Lexa [1:09AM] I was thinking about it, actually. glad to see you finally got your head out of your ass at last.

* * *

"...So, I think I might be bi." Clarke said, finally. They'd spent the first two minutes of sitting on the roof in total silence.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" Lexa asked, voice harsh and gravelly. "What, did you think now that you _maybe_ like girls I was gonna prey on you or something? Or did you think I'd totally reject you for it?" When Clarke didn't answer immediately, she snapped. "Well? It's been shit, you ignoring me. It really fucking sucked, Clarke."

Clarke flinched, full of guilt. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry- I've been an ass, I know. I just… I've been really _confused_ these past few days. You asked me about what Murphy said and how I reacted and I don't _know_ but it really got to me and…" Clarke took a breath, realising she was starting to ramble. "I thought maybe you were right, and it freaked me the fuck out."

Lexa sighed a little, staring at her feet, which were dangling off the edge of the roof. "Okay. I get it, I guess."

Clarke wrung her hands a little. "Well, how did you know? You know, that-"

"That I liked girls?" Lexa smiled a little. "I never really _realised_ it, it just seemed natural to me, you know? I didn't know that girls were 'supposed' to get crushes on guys until I was like, nine. We were playing house- me and Quill and Cosita and Gustus-" Clarke laughed a little at the thought of _Lexa_ playing 'house', and the brunnette scowled and shoved her before going on. "Anyway, I suggested me and Costia be the moms. I never had a dad, at least, not that I knew, and Costia was only raised by her dad, so I didn't _get_ that most people have both a mom and dad. I had a crush on her then, too." Lexa's faint smile returned, though it looked a little sad. "Gustus was pretty quick to tell me that people don't have two mommies, and that was weird for me to suggest we did that. I guess you could say that was when I got the hint." Lexa glanced at her. "Why do you think you are?"

Clarke avoided Lexa's eyes. "Um- there's… this one girl, I guess. I've never felt this way about _girls_, which is why I've been trying to fool myself into thinking that I just feel weird when I'm around her and that it doesn't mean anything. But then I kind of got to thinking about it after you asked me about the thing with Murphy, and I ended up looking up some stuff, and I guess it just _clicked_. It makes so much sense. I didn't know I _could_ like both."

Lexa's voice was strained a little. "You must really care for her, then. If you really put that much thought into it."

"Yeah," Clarke nodded, her throat feeling tight. "I think I do."

Lexa ran her hand through her dark hair. Clarke hadn't noticed that it was down for once and not in an intricate braid. It looked nice like that. "I know what you mean. About pretending you don't like someone. Like I said before, I like someone, too, but because of Costia I'm trying to tell myself I don't."

"Who is she?" Clarke asked, trying to sound only mildly interested. "The lucky girl?"

Lexa looked at her, the smile on her face a little too forced. Her lips twitched, as though she was hesitating before she spoke. "Clarke," she said, hoarsely. "She's sitting right here."

Clarke blinked, processing the girl's words. "Oh," she whispered. "Oh." She could feel her heart beating like a drum. As the words fully registered, a warm feeling filled her stomach. Her gaze fluttered to Lexa's lips and back to her gentle green eyes. Clarke swallowed before she slowly leaned in, cupped Lexa's cheek, and kissed her.

Lexa pulled back quickly. "Clarke, stop. You don't have to-"

"You _idiot_," Clarke said, a small, giddy smile on her face. "_You're_ the one I was talking about."

It was Lexa's turn to blink in surprise, before a wide smile took over her features as well. She moved closer to Clarke, this time pulling Clarke's face towards hers with both hands, pressing her lips to the blonde's. The was gentle; tentative and testing. It could could have only been seconds, but it felt like hours before they pulled away, slowly this time, both smiling.

"We don't have to rush anything," Lexa said, gently. "This is new for you- well, for me, too, I guess."

"I'd like that," Clarke murmured, hand finding Lexa's. Her thumb lightly rubbed over the back of her hand. "I _do_ like you," she smiled, looking back up at Lexa, a cheeks turning a dusty rose. "But it is really new."

"What do you want?" Lexa asked. "Right now."

"Right now? I just want want you to stay here with me." Clarke laid down on the rooftop. "Will you just… hold me?"

Lexa lowered herself silently, before laying on her back and putting an arm around Clarke and pulling her close. Clarke settled there, with her head fitted in the crook of Lexa's neck and her arm draped across her stomach. Lexa's fingers skimmed up and down Clarke's back slowly, stopping to run them through Clarke's hair a few times.

Clarke closed her eyes, feeling close to blissful. In the short time she'd had with Finn, she'd been happy- but not like this. This was a slow, calm warmth, one that filled her to the brim with joy. Just being here with Lexa was enough to keep what resembled a drunken grin plastered on her face.


	7. Chapter 7

**At last, a longer update! This one ended up upwards of 3,000 words! I'm done copying over from my notebook, so like I said, updates may take a bit longer than usual, but not too long! I'm not super proud of the writing in this chapter, but I hope you enjoy anyway!**

* * *

The bell rang, marking both the end of sixth period and the beginning of Winter Break.

Clarke and the rest of her Geometry class quickly shoved in their chairs as quickly as they could. _Finally,_ Clarke thought, unable to resist a smile as she slung her backpack over her shoulder. That clock had been moving agonizingly slow, and Clarke had been seriously wondering if it was broken.

As she left the room, Raven bumped into her, grinning. "Fucking finally, am I right?"

"I know," Clarke sighed. "I thought it'd never come."

"So what are you doing over break?" Raven asked, starting to ramble on about her plans and the plans she wanted to make and the plans other people were making.

Clarke nodded absentmindedly, eyes following a certain brunette as she left her class. Lexa was walking in Clarke's direction, right besides Gustus, who slyly slung his arm around her shoulders as they talked.

Clarke had to bite her lip to resist grinning as Lexa pushed him off, rolling her eyes. The long-haired boy looked disgruntled, but didn't complain.

Lexa's eyes met Clarke's, and she saw the faintest hint of a smile on her face as she passed by.

"...And Octavia said that Bellamy stole some vodka and rum and shit from his uncle, so we're having a party, and-" Raven was _still_ talking, until she noticed Clarke staring after the girl. She didn't seem to catch exactly what Clarke was looking at, but she could see Clarke wasn't paying attention. She nudged the girl sharply with her elbow. "Yo, Clarkester," She said. "Earth to Clarke?"

"Sorry, sorry." Clarke's heart sped up for a moment. "I just zoned out."

It was about a week and a half since Clarke first kissed Lexa, and they were still meeting every couple of nights on Clarke's roof. They talked about everything; from their family to their wildest bucket list ideas to the stars to themselves. They kissed, or they laid on the roof quietly and just looked up at the sky, content in each other's presence. But when Lexa left, and Clarke was left alone in bed, she was met with a crushing fear, one that appeared at times like this. Clarke was afraid of what could happen if someone, _anyone_ found out about their relationship. She knew there were plenty of homophobes in her school, but even just the idea of Clarke's mother knowing scared the crap out of her.

Lexa told her that Indra and Lincoln knew about Costia, and that they couldn't care less about who Lexa dated, as long as she was safe and happy. Clarke, however, had no idea how her mother- or her friends, for that matter- would react if they found out.

Clarke shook her head. "So what were you talking about? A party?"

"Yep." Raven stopped at her locker to unlock it, and started shoving books and papers in haphazardly. "Bellamy got ahold of some booze, so we're going to kick off the break with a holiday bash. Their mom's gone for the weekend, so."

"When's this party?" Clarke had to hold back her sigh. Even if she refused, she knew Raven would all but break down her door and force her to come. Clarke had never been drunk before, and the whole experience sounded incredibly unappealing.

"Saturday night," Raven said, shutting her locker. "Alright, I gotta go. Talk to Octavia about the party."

"Yeah. Okay. Bye." Clarke headed off to her own locker, pushing her books in. _Won't be needing these over break_.

Clarke jumped a little when she felt someone touch her arm, and smiled when she saw it was Lexa. "Hey," she said, closing the locker. "What's up?"

"You want to walk home together?" Lexa asked. "We could get something from Grounder's on the way."

Clarke chewed on the inside of her lip nervously. "What if someone...?"

Lexa laughed a little. "Clarke, I've done this before. People aren't going to suspect anything. I mean, they might think it's weird, because it's _us_, but they're not going to see it."

"How can you be so sure?" Clarke asked, quietly. "Of everything? You aren't scared?"

"No." Lexa said, and Clarke believed it. "Because I'll kick someone's ass if they mess with you." She smiled. "That's my job, and mine only."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Gee, what a romantic. 'Only I can piss off my girlfriend', huh?"

"Yeah, that's kind of the p-" Lexa stopped, blinking. "Wait. Did you-"

"Yes," Clarke whispered. "I still want to take it slow. But I think we can call ourselves that." Her eyes shifted up to look at Lexa's face, still looking anxious. "If that's okay?"

"Of course." Clarke could hear the somewhat-masked excitement in Lexa's voice. The brunette leaned in a little and whispered back, "I'd kiss you now if I could."

They dropped their conversation as Octavia practically flew to Clarke's side. "Sup, bitch-" she paused to stare hard at Lexa. "Hey."

"Hi." Lexa's voice was flat. "Guess I'll meet you in a few, then?"

"No, wait," Clarke said, turning back to Octavia. "I heard about your party. Can I bring a plus-two?"

Octavia glanced to Lexa, and Clarke could see the clear distaste in her expression. "I don't know about-"

"The other is Lincoln. Lexa's his sister."

Almost instantly, Octavia's demeanour changed. "Oh!" Clarke wanted to burst out laughing at how eager she looked. "_Oh_. Lincoln. Yeah. That should work. No worries. Saturday. Night, that is." Octavia's face was reddening by the second. She'd confessed to Clarke about having a crush on the artist a couple of weeks ago, and Clarke knew she could convince Octavia to do practically anything if Lincoln was involved.

Lexa chuckled when the girl left. "She's got a crush on my brother?"

"How could tell?" Clarke pretended to gasp in mock surprise. "She's so subtle!"

"She's not so subtle about disliking me, though," Lexa said, as the pair started to walk towards the double doors on the left.

"Don't worry about O," Clarke said. "She's not going to push you out of a tree or anything. Like you did to me."

"That was one time!" Lexa protested. "What about that time you threw mud in face? Or dropped a bunch of worms in my hair?"

"God, we were such assholes when we were little," Clarke laughed.

"You were worse than I was!" Lexa argued, and they continued their playful banter for a number of minutes, attracting a few confused glances, but no one, as Lexa said, suspected anything else.

* * *

Clarke stepped inside her house, sipping a steaming mocha. Her mother was still not home, so after she set down her stuff, she grabbed her art supplies, and got set at her desk in her room, starting to sketch.

Clarke's walls were adorned with, rather than posters, her own artwork. From simple sketches of wildlife or her friends to colorful scenes of the forest, there was barely any blank spaces on her walls. The drawers in her desk were filled with art supplies. Every few months, Clarke would find all her allowance, and bike to the single art store in town. _I'll need to go there again soon_, she thought. _I've only got a couple pencils left._

She stopped for a moment, thinking of her father. Every year up until his death, he'd drive them to the art store for her birthday, and after they'd get clown cone ice creams. The memory have her a pang, and she twirled the pencil in her hand before biting her lip and opening one of the smaller drawers. She pulled out a polaroid of her father, a younger Clarke atop his shoulders. They were both soaking wet, and Clarke had mud smeared on her face. She stared long and hard, the day it was taken a fresh memory, like it was only yesterday.

"_Take that!" Clarke squealed, hurling a water balloon at her dad. He laughed as it broke point blank across his chest, soaking his shirt. _

"_No fair!" he protested, holding up his arms as though to surrender. "I'm unarmed!"_

_Clarke stuck out her tongue and threw another, but it wasn't filled quite as much and bounced off his arm, and landed, undamaged, in the grass._

_Her father grabbed it and threw it back, laughing as he had the same result. _

"_You two better come in soon!" Abby's face appeared at the back doorway. "It's going to rain soon!" She glanced up at the gray, cloudy sky. "Any minute now, probably!"_

"_Let it rain!" Her father declared loudly. "We don't care, right?"_

"_No way!" Clarke yelled, just as she felt drops falling from the sky. "I'll stay in the rain all day!"_

_Abby shook her head, but was smiling. "Just don't complain to me when you're both freezing to the bone."_

_Later, when Jake and Clarke _were _freezing to the bone, Abby laughed at the shivering, dirty pair, and insisted she take a picture. _

Clarke set the polaroid down, and after a moment, picked up her pencil and started to sketch.

Time seemed to fall away. Clarke put herself into the drawing, finally able to stop thinking for a while.

It wasn't until she heard the door close that she blinked hard and sat up a little straighter.

"Clarke?" her mother called.

"I'm in my room!" Clarke yelled back, and she heard the thumping of her mother's footsteps up the stairs.

Abby leaned in the doorway, arms crossed. The tensions had eased up a little between them, and they were capable of speaking civilly. "So? Any plans for winter break?"

"Actually, yeah." Clarke turned in her chair, folding her arms on the top of the back and resting her chin on them. "Octavia wanted me to spend the night tomorrow. Raven'll be there too."

Abby almost looked like she'd refuse, but sighed a little and nodded. "Sure. That sounds fine."

"Thanks, Mom." Clarke smiled.

"I'd like you to look at this, though." Abby stepped forward and dropped a paper on Clarke's desk. She started to step away, before her eyes fell upon the drawing on Clarke's desk. "Is… is that…?"

"It's Dad," Clarke said, a little quiet. She'd always proudly shown her father all of her drawings when he was around, but never really felt comfortable doing the same with her mother.

Her mother's fingers extended towards the drawing, as though she wanted to touch it, before she withdrew her hand, swallowing a little. "It's nice," she murmured. "Look at the paper, please." She seemed to leave the room a little too quickly.

Clarke stared at the drawing a moment longer. It was rough, but she could clearly see her father's well-worn smile. She put both the drawing and the photo in the small drawer, before turning her attention to the paper her mother had dropped. It was a pamphlet. _John Hopkins Medical University_. Clarke scoffed before shoving it aside. Of _course_ her mother would try to use their semi-moment of peace to push the med school idea at her again.

She threw it in the trash, refusing to even open it.

* * *

Octavia threw open the door just moments after Clarke rang the doorbell, Lincoln and Lexa shuffling their feet awkwardly behind her.

"Hey!" She yelled, smirking at Clarke. "Hey." She looked about as excited as a kid getting underwear for a present on Christmas at the sight of Lexa. She then looked at Lincoln, and half-smiled, and half-looked ready to throw up. "_Hey._"

"Hey yourself," Clarke couldn't help but crack a grin at how Octavia continued to stare at Lincoln. "Are you gonna let us in?"

"Oh." Octavia moved out of the way. "Yeah. Come in."

Bellamy was hanging around in the living room, and grinned as Clarke walked in. He walked over to ruffle her hair, and the blonde scowled. "I see you brought company."

"Sup, Clarke." Raven waved to her from the worn-out beige couch. "And others."

"So, who are your friends?" Lincoln asked Lexa. "Me and Octavia have P.E. together, so I know her, and of course I-" Clarke snorted as Lexa roughly elbowed him. Sounding a little pained, he continued. "-know Clarke from that project you worked on."

Clarke lightly punched Bellamy in the stomach. "This asshole is Bellamy," she said, then inclined her head to Raven. "That's Raven."

"Monty and Jasper are coming over later, too," Octavia said. "Then we can let the drinking begin."

Clarke stashed her bag in Octavia's room, and returned to find the said boys entering the house, Jasper and Monty both holding a clear bottle up like trophies. "Guess who brought the moonshine!" Jasper whooped, and Raven groaned.

"Not that shit again," Bellamy sighed. "You could kill a horse with that."

"We softened this one up for your weak asses," Jasper grinned, slamming his bottle on the coffee table. "Can we get this party started? It's already eight!"

Clarke and Lexa sat on the floor, and Lexa leaned closer to whisper, "Are we actually drinking?"

"Guess so," Clarke said, shrugging. "I've always opted to be the sober friend, but I guess I'll give in this time."

"I can be the sober friend," Lincoln offered, looking like he desperately wanted that option.

"No one stays sober tonight!" Bellamy declared. "You're all staying over anyway."

"Oh, don't be _that_ asshole," Raven rolled her eyes. "If the man doesn't want to drink, don't make him."

"I guess I'll have a little," Lincoln sighed.

"Alright, the _proper_ way to do this is drinking games," Jasper said. "And I, as the bringer of the best alcohol you'll taste tonight, nominate Never Have I Ever."

"Fine," Octavia said. "That's a good way to get us all buzzed. And after that, we're playing Strip Cards Against Humanity."

"Fuckin' A," Raven smirked, raising her cup (Which, somehow, was already filled). "Then no one will be sober enough to complain.

The kids all settled around the table, and Monty decided to be the pourer of drinks. They'd agreed to start with some rum mixed with root beer for Lincoln, Clarke, and Lexa, since they had never drank before. Each had a small plastic red cup (which Bellamy said were meant to imitate shot glasses while still preserving the essence of college frat boy parties). Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, and Jasper were all seated on the couch, while Monty had pulled up a chair, and Clarke, Lexa, and Lincoln were sitting on the floor, Clarke between Lexa and Monty.

"As the host, Octavia should go first," Raven said, elbowing the brunette.

"Alright," Octavia said, biting her lip as she thought. "Alright, how 'bout some simple ones first? Never have I ever gone skinny dipping."

"That's your idea of simple?" Raven snorted, while Jasper took a shot.

"What?" He said, shrugging as the others stared at him in surprise. "I got invited to this wild party one time. Should I go now?"

"I'll go," Bellamy said. "Let's just move around the table. Um… Never have I ever broken a bone."

"Oh, come _on_," Octavia groaned. Everyone at the table had to take a shot. Everyone- aside from Raven, Lincoln, and Bellamy- had been involved in their forest 'wars', which had led to some serious casualties. Clarke took a moment to drink hers, and nearly choked on the liquid. It burned her throat and tasted awful, but afterwards, left a pleasantly warm feeling in her stomach that she didn't mind so much.

Monty refilled the drinks as Jasper scratched his chin. "Uh… never have I ever watched porn."

"That is a straight up lie," Monty said, as Raven and Bellamy took a shot.

"You watch porn?" Octavia looked at her brother, mortified. She then turned to Raven, who was unfazed. "_You_ watch porn?"

Raven shrugged. "I'm not going into details of my masturbation routine."

"Come _on_!" Jasper protested, gagging. "Too much information, Raven!"

Clarke laughed as the brunette threw a pillow at him.

Monty looked stumped as he considered a statement. "Never have I ever… given a lap dance."

Raven took yet another shot, and Clarke laughed. "It was a dare I got in eighth grade," she said. "Fucking Monroe."

"My turn already?" Clarke tapped her fingers on her cup. "Never have I ever had sex."

Raven and Bellamy took a shot, and Clarke swallowed hard as Lexa hesitated before taking one. The brunette stared hard at the table before passing her empty cup to Monty.

_I'm asking her about that later._

"Jesus, Raven," Jasper laughed. "What _haven't_ you done?"

Raven smiled, taking her cup back from from Monty. "I'll guess you'll find out, huh? Your turn, Lexa."

Lexa blinked, looking like she'd just snapped out of a daze. _Okay, I'm _definitely _asking her about that later,_ Clarke thought, looking away. Her stomach swirled a little at the thought of Lexa with someone else. _It was probably just Costia._

"Never have I ever…" Lexa paused, frowning. "Failed a class."

"I think she's new to the game," Monty chuckled, as Raven and Bellamy again took a shot.

Lincoln shrugged when everyone looked at him. "Uh… never have I ever… used a fake ID?"

Jasper grinned before taking his third shot. "I think we have _two_ virgins to this game."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I've never played with alcohol."

"Now you can't use that!" Octavia said. " You should've saved it."

Raven glanced at Octavia, smiling dangerously. "Never have I ever kissed a girl."

"Come _on_," Octavia groaned loudly, and Clarke sighed heavily before the pair both took a shot, and Lexa again snapped out of a daze too take one. Bellamy also downed another, but no one paid him any attention.

"Okay, now this I've got to hear," Monty laughed. "Fess up."

"So like, sixth grade summer camp we got dared to kiss," Octavia said, glaring at Raven. "Clarke and I. And Raven will _not_ let me live it down. She always brings it up!"

"What about you?" Bellamy asked Lexa, a sloppy grin on his face. It was clear the alcohol was starting to loosen him up a bit. "Some fun story to go with it?"

Clarke stared hard at her cup as Lexa replied smoothly, "No, just another dare."

"Boring," Jasper muttered. "Should we keep playing? I think Raven and Bellamy have had enough."

"I'm _good_," Raven slurred, a smirk similar to Bellamy's manifesting. "Sooo good."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "Since you all suck at this game, I'm making everyone _except_ Bellamy and Raven drink more. Monty, fill 'em up."

After Clarke's third drink (while she was definitely not drunk), she could feel that warm sensation sitting in her gut, and she did feel _good_. She wondered for a moment why she'd refused to drink before. _I can do anything right now._ The blond couldn't help but smiling. "So, Strip Cards then?"

"Someone's eager," Octavia laughed. "Excited to show off for _someone_?" She side-eyed Bellamy, who choked on a drink he had filled when no one was looking.

Clarke glanced quickly at Lexa, and felt her face heat up. At least she could blame it on the drinks.

Bellamy coughed a couple more times for good measure, then stood, his face probably redder than Clarke's. "I'll get the cards."

"Hey," Clarke whispered, nudging Lexa, who was spacing out _again_. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, shrugging her off. "I'm fine."

Okay, something was definitely up with her.


	8. Chapter 8

When Bellamy returned to the table- albeit, a little unbalanced- he dropped the card set down with a grin. "You know what we're doing after this?"

Octavia opened the cards, an equally devilish smirk on her face. "We're going swimming."

"Come ooonnn," Raven sighed. "We'll all drown!"

"Someone please take Raven's cup from her," Clarke groaned. In the time Bellamy took to retrieve the cards, she had managed to steal two more shots of the rum. "She's going to die _before_ we all drown."

"That's enough, babe," Octavia said, wrenching the cup from Raven's hand, as the other brunette let out a loud groan.

The cards were dealt, and Bellamy opted to go first as the Card Czar. He flipped over a black card. "Next Up From J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of..."

Clarke looked through her hand, wanting to groan when she realised there was nothing useful for this round. "How are we doing this, anyway?" she asked, finally deciding on "yeast".

Octavia explained the rules. "It's like the normal game, but every round, after the winning card is picked, the Czar picks a losing card, and whoever dealt it has to remove something. Underwear can stay on, but bras are off."

"Bras are optional," Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Not everyone is as eager to show off, Octavia."

"It's strip cards!" Octavia protested as she set down her card. "You gotta strip!"

Seeing as six people were playing, this was going to be a long game. Some of them would probably get very naked, or damn close. Monty and Lincoln had elected to step out for this one (Which may or may not have been a disappointment to Octavia).

When all five cards were down, Bellamy picked them up and burst out laughing. "How the hell did someone get 'Harry Potter Erotica' for this? I've got no option here, it's gotta be this one." Raven held out her hand for the card, grinning.

"Which loses?" Octavia asked.

"Well..." Bellamy chuckled a little. "The contenders are 'yeast' and 'Hillary Clinton'. I think Hillary's going to lose this one."

Lexa sighed, but Clarke felt a little relieved when she saw the brunette was smiling. Lexa had worn shoes, so she pulled off her socks.

Jasper picked a card and set it down. "Bros before blank. I swear to god, if someone puts down 'hoes', I _will_ make you strip."

Clarke drew another card, and considered her options. She'd managed to get the Bees? card, which always had the unspoken rule of winning. She'd save that for later. She went with "German dungeon porn", because while it probably wouldn't win, who could resist laughing at that?

Jasper read all the cards, and simply shook his head in disappointment. "You all fail," he sighed. "But I guess I'll give it to whoever played 'dildo canons'. I hope you all know that you suck at this game... especially whoever played fucking dungeon porn."

Clarke groaned. "Seriously?"

Jasper clucked his tongue at her in disapproval. "That's one of the best cards, and you wasted it. Strip," he said, as Bellamy took the black card with a grin.

Clarke unzipped her sweater, and dropped it on the floor beside her.

It was Clarke's turn to be the Czar, and she drew "Blank Always helps Obama unwind."

The cards were passed in, and Clarke flipped them over. "Barack Obama's left nut?" she laughed. "Whoever gave this to me, strip. I'll give it to whoever played 'Joe Biden'."

"That would be me," Lexa smiled, taking the card.

"Are you just getting all the fucking politicians?" Raven asked, eyes wide as she shrugged out of her sweater. "The fuck?"

"Seems like it," Lexa laughed, drawing a black card. Clarke smiled a little at how the brunette was starting to warm up to the company.

"A fucking conspiracy," Raven muttered dubiously, and Octavia snorted.

"War!" Lexa read. "What is it good for?"

Jasper slapped his card down first, and the others quickly followed suit.

"The clitoris," Lexa said, looking around the room. "Seriously?"

Bellamy sighed and pulled off his shirt.

"'Sexy pillow fights' wins." Lexa decided, and Octavia grabbed the card.

Raven was staring intensely at a lamp until Octavia nudged her. "Your turn." The girl blinked rapidly before snatching a card and setting it down. "Um- A romantic dinner would be incomplete without..."

Clarke grinned at her card. _Perfect_. She passed it to Raven, who was again staring down the light fixture.

"Read them," Octavia reminded her, snickering at her friend's drunken state.

"Oh. Yeeeeeah." Raven picked them up, then after a moment, burst into laughter. "Full frontal nudity! Who did this?"

"Me," Clarke grinned, taking the card. "And the loser?"

"Um... whoever put down the fucking "A Bop It" card." She glared at Octavia. "I bet it was fucking you."

"Actually, me," Jasper said, pulling off his socks.

Bellamy laughed. "Seriously?"

"I didn't have anything good!" Jasper protested while Octavia picked a card.

"White people like..." Octavia read, looking around expectantly. "This better be good."

When the cards were in, Octavia snorted loudly. "Okay, 'John Wilkes Booth' definitely fucking loses." She laughed as she flipped through them. "Alright, who put down 'being rich'? That definitely wins."

Lexa grinned and took the winning card again.

"Lexa's kicking our asses," Jasper groaned as he pulled off his shirt.

"I've always been kicking your asses," Lexa said with a smirk.

"Oooooooooo!" Raven yelled. "Fucking roasted!"

"Dude," Octavia stared at the girl next to her. "Chill."

"You're going to have such a huge hangover," Clarke laughed.

"My turn again," Bellamy said, grabbing a card and knocking over the pile of white cards in the process, which Jasper hurried to fix. "What's the score so far?"

"I've got three," Lexa said.

"I think I've lost the most clothing," Jasper sighed.

"Anyway," Bellamy said, reading his card. "Money can't buy me happiness, but it can buy me…"

Clarke almost rolled her eyes when Lexa chuckled at her cards. "If she wins again, I will eat these cards."

"Eat my entire ass, Clarke," Lexa stuck her tongue out, smirking, and Clarke swallowed a little, mind going places it _probably_ shouldn't at that time. She stared hard at her own cards, and picked "My manservant, Claude".

"And the winner is…" Bellamy glanced over the cards before chuckling and holding it out. "That ass."

"Me again," Lexa took the card, adding it to her growing pile.

"Damn, she's good," Octavia muttered, looking at Lexa as though in a new light. "Have you ever played this before?"

"Nope," Lexa said. "I'm just that good."

Raven raised her cup- _When the hell did she get another?_\- "Give the lady another drink!"

Jasper grinned and filled Lexa's empty cup and refilled it with straight rum. "Drink up, newbie."

Lexa stared at the dark liquid before tightened her jaw, then threw it back.

"Wooo!" Raven cheered. "Atta girl!"

"I think Lexa might be fitting in," Bellamy grinned.

Clarke nudged Lexa with her elbow. "See? You're a part of the group." She glanced at Octavia. "I think."

Everyone stared hard at the girl until she let out a loud groan. "Fine. You're all going to argue if I say no anyway." She held out her cup to Jasper for refilling. "Besides, I guess you're not really that bad."

Lexa was smiling, _really_ smiling, and it warmed Clarke.

They continued the game, and unsurprisingly to all, Lexa won. Jasper ended up in his boxers, Bellamy still had his pants on, and Raven and Octavia were both down to their undergarments. Clarke had managed to skirt by, only losing her pants. (She'd been wearing multiple layers, much to everyone's disappointment.)

Lexa didn't even lose her shirt.

"How are you so good at this?!" Octavia demanded, throwing her cards down on the table.

"Whatever," Raven sighed much too loudly and stood wobbly, nearly knocking over the nearby lamp. "We gotta swim!"

"Isn't it going to be freezing?" Jasper asked, frowning. "It's Winter Break."

Octavia groaned. "You ruin all my fun. Good thing we have a hot tub."

At Octavia's bidding (which may or may not have included slapping, hair-pulling, and threats of dumping her drink on people's faces), the group headed outside, and they stripped down to whatever undergarments they had, if they hadn't already. Clarke shivered at the cold air. "Octavia!" She called as the brunette stepped into the hot tub. "I'm gonna get a towel." She glanced at Lexa. "I don't think you have one, either. Wanna come with?"

Octavia nodded before turning on the jets, and Lexa joined Clarke as she walked back towards the house. She found the closet, which was upstairs, and opened it, searching for one. She was _very_ aware of Lexa's gaze on her mostly bare back. Clarke swallowed and grabbed two thick yellow towels before turning around to face her. "Hey," Clarke whispered.

"Hey." Lexa took the smallest of steps forward. "You're beautiful."

Clarke couldn't help but to start laughing. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Lexa just sounded so cheesy. "Shut up!"

Lexa blinked. "I'm serious!" She protested.

Clarke was probably a little more tipsy than she realised. "I mean." She leaned forward, and could see Lexa visibly swallow. "Shut up and kiss me."

"Clarke, you're drunk," Lexa says, before Clarke drops the towel to wrap her arms around Lexa's neck, leaning closer.

"If you won't then I will." Clarke beams up her, smiling sloppily. Lexa wonders where the hell this came from, but rolls her eyes and leans her face forward, nose bumping into Clarke's as she kisses her. Lexa's hand settle at Clarke's hips, holding her close as they kiss. After a few moments, Lexa pushed Clarke against the wall, and one of Clarke's hands snaked up to tangle in her hair, pulling it lightly.

"Well." Clarke jumps back, head hitting the wall, as they hear Raven's voice. Lexa whips around to see the girl standing at the top of the stairs. "Now I see why you two are getting along so well."


	9. Chapter 9

**Drunk Raven has a tendency to say "fuck", if you haven't noticed.**

**I would've had this chapter up sooner, but I spent most of Thursday in the ER. Not to worry, because it turned out nothing was wrong with me, I just had extremely severe cramps, but it took up all day and was pretty tiring.**

**This chapter's a little jumpy, but there's some fluff. Don't get too used to it, though, because there's some angst coming up soon enough ;).**

* * *

Clarke stammers for what feels like hours and Lexa just stares, clearly mortified. There went all of her effort to _not_ get outed as queer.

Before either of them can find the words to speak, Raven does. "Don't bother pulling the 'This isn't what it looks like' card, because that is _definitely_ what it looks like." Raven raises an eyebrow. "Or am I wrong?"

_She's being really calm for someone who drank too much alcohol,_ Clarke thinks, her heart going a mile a minute. She almost feels like she can't breathe.

"It was my fault," Lexa says, quickly, glancing at Clarke, looking just as afraid as Clarke felt. "I kissed her, and she just went with it because she's dr-"

"Stop," Clarke whispers, hands balling into fists. "You don't need to protect me." She looks back up at Raven, shaking, but trying to keep her voice calm. "It was what it looked like."

"Okay." Raven nods. "You can stop looking so fucking terrified now, guys. Geez. What am I, the fucking boogeyman?"

Clarke smiles weakly. "You're not... upset?"

"No." Raven leans against the railing of the stairs. "Why would I be? You've been better, Clarke. You're not so mopey anymore." She glanced at Lexa, who still looks like a deer caught in headlights. "And maybe that's because of you."

"I'm not mopey," Clarke grumbled. She shook her head. "Raven, just- _please_ don't say anything. I've been so scared of someone finding out."

"It's not my place to out you," Raven shrugs, seeming surprisingly cool despite having just walked in on her friend making out with her ex-enemy against a wall. "Just know that none of us are going to give a shit, okay?" She furrowed her brow. "Seriously, we all love you." She holds out a hand. "Pass me a towel, will you?"

Lexa silently takes a towel, passing it to Raven. She holds onto it for a moment, looking Raven in the eyes. "Thank you," she says, quietly. "I mean it."

"Don't mention it," Raven says nonchalantly, and turns to head down the stairs. "Just don't be long, or Octavia will come up here next."

When Raven is gone, Clarke heaves a sigh of relief. "I can't..." Her hands find Lexa's, trembling. "I can't believe it was so _simple_ to her. Do you really- do you think they'll all be like that?"

"I don't know." Lexa's hand reaches up to brush hair out of Clarke's face, before she cups her cheek and lightly runs her thumb across the girl's cheekbone. "I was terrified."

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa, burying her face in Lexa's chest. "Me too." Lexa embraces her as well, and they stand there for a few moments, holding each other.

When they pull apart, Lexa squeezes Clarke's hand encouragingly, with a faint smile. "Lets get back to the party, okay? We'll just start crying or something stupid if we stay up here."

Clarke giggles a little. "You're right. Let's get back down there."

The rest of the night passes without too much event, as the majority of the group gets drunker and more tired. They mess around in the hot tub for awhile, and Raven, true to her word, says nothing about Clarke and Lexa, and their friends don't seem to notice when they lean closer, stealing small touches here and there as the night wears on.

They all crash around four in the morning, Bellamy taking the guys up to his room and Octavia bringing the ladies to hers. They didn't bother to take the time to set up places on the floor, instead they all just collapsed on Octavia's bed and passed out within minutes.

* * *

Clarke wakes up when she gets kicked in the face.

She sits up quickly, yelping, and pushes Raven right off the bed. Lexa yells as Raven grabs out in shock as her eyes fly open and pulls the girl's hair.

"Fuck!" Octavia shouts, when Clarke's hand slams down on her stomach in her haste to escape the tangle of limbs and Lexa, who has half-slipped off the bed.

"What the fuck?" Raven demands, before groaning and holding her head. "Oh God, my head is pounding. Stop screaming."

Everyone is still for a moment until Octavia groans too, clutching her forehead. "Shit, me too."

Clarke laughs, throwing a pillow at Octavia. "I told you guys if you drank too much you'd regret it."

"Party pooper," Raven grumbles as she rises to sit back up on the bed. "What a way to get waken up. Nice one, Clarke."

"I got kicked in the face!" Clarke protests, and Raven rolls her eyes.

"That was probably my fault," Octavia admits. "But Lexa startled me! She elbowed me in the chest."

"And you pulled my hair," Lexa mutters, rubbing at her smarting scalp. "We're all even.

At a loud thump from downstairs, it is obvious that the guys are already up. After many complaints (most made by Raven), the four girls made their way downstairs. Jasper is sprawled out on the floor, groaning, and Monty and Lincoln are sitting at the table, talking quietly, while Bellamy fishes around in the fridge.

"Get some orange juice for Ms. Hangover," Octavia calls.

Bellamy waves her away, and after a moment pulls out a large jug. "Already on it for the man on the floor."

Jasper moans loudly to acknowledge Octavia and CO's arrival. Raven clutches at her stomach now, and covers her mouth with the other hand. "Gotta go." She runs off to the bathroom, and after the door slams, they can all hear her loud retching.

"At least we didn't drink as much as she did," Lexa muttered.

"Breakfast, anyone?" Bellamy asks, holding up a bag of bagels. "We've got peanut butter and cream cheese."

"That's just what I need," Jasper grunts as he sits up.

Octavia turns to head upstairs. "I'll get the ibuprofen."

Lexa laughed a little after a moment. "Is it always like this?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Monty answers, and Bellamy chuckles, nodding in agreement. "At least, whenever one of us has a house available."

"Usually us," Bellamy says, popping a bagel in the toaster. "Our mom goes out a lot."

Lexa smiled a little, looking at Clarke out of the corner of her eye. "I like it here," she admits. "With everyone."

"Me too," Lincoln says quietly. "It was fun."

Clarke can't help but smile. Raven might be vomiting up an organ or two, and Jasper was dying on the floor, but it _was_ nice here, with Lexa. And if Lexa was happy, that made it all the better.

Things were really looking up.

* * *

Winter turned to spring, and spring grew warmer until it was nearly summer. There were more tests, math finals, reading reports, three-hundred point labs, and so much other work Clarke thought she might die trying to pull it all off. But when she finally turned in her last test, she felt relieved- summer would be here, which meant three months of relaxing and hanging out with her friends. *Especially with Lexa.

Bellamy graduated, which felt like a huge loss to the group, but even if none would admit it; they were proud of him. He wanted to go off to military school, and Octavia threatened to kill him if anything happened to him. He still had another month to go before he'd leave for good.

Clarke spent as much time as she could with Lexa; whether they were drinking coffee or at Lexa's house, curled up together watching a movie. Lexa had been to Clarke's house only a few times, as Clarke worried her mother might see them *together, and she was still too anxious about coming out to her. Indra did not mind if they cuddled in Lexa's room or on the couch, as long as they "Do nothing explicit" under her roof. Clarke had gotten closer to Lincoln as well, and the two would sometimes share their art and offer suggestions. Clarke would miss sharing an art class with him.

Raven, true to her word, said nothing about Clarke and Lexa's relationship, and her knowledge brought the three closer together. Raven became someone Clarke could talk to about her relationship, and about other personal feelings as well, and their bond grew immensely over the remainder of the year.

Clarke wasn't sure if she was ready to come out, but she was happy with how things were now. She still struggled and worried and broke down at times, but with the support of Lexa and Raven- and all her friends, for that matter- she believed that her first year of high school _was_ a good one.

* * *

"Straight B's," Abby read, smiling. "Not a single C. Great work, Clarke. You really fixed things up this year."

Clarke smiled, feeling relieved. Her mother had been easing up on her ever since the notices about failing classes stopped coming to her email. Lexa helped her study and helped her with organising her backpack. Despite her original (loud, slightly obnoxious) complaining, it _did_ help, and Clarke ended up begrudgingly thanking her later. Abby had been reluctant to let Clarke spend so much time with Lexa, until she informed her mother that it was the girl who helped her stay on top of work. Ever since then, she raised little to no complaint when Clarke spent most of her free time with her.

"Thanks, Mom," Clarke said, shuffling her feet. "Actually, I wanted to ask you about something. Could I go camping with Lexa and her family this weekend? They're driving to the ocean and they'll be back on Monday."

Abby glanced at the report card in front of her and sighed, smiling a little. "Fine. But I want Indra to call me first with the details tonight. Okay?"

Clarke grinned. "Sure, Mom. I'll text Lexa." Her relationship with her mother had been a little easier as well. More relaxed. She turned and headed upstairs, and once she was in her room she flopped down on her bed and snatched her phone.

Clarke [6:57PM] she said yes!

Clarke [6:58PM] she wants Indra to call her first though

Lexa [6:59PM] great

Lexa [6:59PM] shes making dinner right now but I'll have her call after

Lexa [7:00PM] do you have camping stuff? like a sleeping bag?

Clarke [7:00PM] i think so

Clarke [7:00PM] it might be too small tho? i havent used it in a while

Lexa [7:01PM] if it is i can help you get one

Lexa [7:01PM] i know someone who works at the store

Clarke [7:01PM] okay! that would be cool

Lexa [7:02PM] dinner. gtg. see you tonight?

Clarke [7:02PM] yeah! see you then :*

Lexa [7:02PM] you're a dork.

Clarke can't help but smile at her girlfriend's teasing. She rolls onto her back, staring at the ceiling, just grinning cheesily. Maybe Raven had been right over Winter Break- Lexa _was_ helping her. She might not have noticed it before, but she was happier. _Lighter_. Being with Lexa made her happy.

* * *

"You want to just go in my room?" Clarke asked as Lexa pulled herself onto the roof. "It's kinda chilly."

Lexa snorted. "You just want an excuse to cuddle."

Clarke threw up her hands in defeat. "Well, I mean, you're not exactly wrong. You _do_ make for a pretty cozy pillow."

Lexa smiled and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Fine. I'll go first since I'm closest."

Clarke watched as Lexa carefully lowered herself again, then disappeared from sight as she slipped into Clarke's room through the open window. Clarke followed, and when she was standing in her room again, she saw Lexa staring at a few drawings on her wall. "You like them?" she asked, stepping closer to see which she was looking at.

Lexa reached out to touch the drawing she was fixed on. "You drew me?"

Clarke followed her eyes to the sketch in question. It was Lexa, hair down, bent over a book. Clarke smiled, remembering the time she took the picture. They'd been in Lexa's room, who was studying, and Clarke was secretly snapping photos of her girlfriend to draw later. She then used them as drawing references, but this was the only one she really loved. Lexa's face was truly captured here, brow furrowed but face still soft in her quiet concentration.

"Yeah," Clarke murmured. "I did."

Lexa turned around, smiling. She caught Clarke's face with her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. It was quick, but when she pulled away, it was only enough for her to look Clarke in the eyes and whisper, "I love it."

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist, pulling her closer. She buried her face in the crook of Lexa's neck. "Mm. I wish we could do this all the time."

"We do," Lexa said, trailing her fingers up and down Clarke's spine. "Sort of."

"I mean, here," Clarke whispered. "I'm tired of hiding us. I'm tired of being _terrified_ of my mom finding out."

Lexa turned and pulled Clarke on to her bed. They fell back, and Clarke looked at her girlfriend again as Lexa spoke. "I know, Clarke," she murmured. "But you don't have to come out, or anything, if you're not-"

"I want to," Clarke said, surprising herself. "I mean… I don't really _want_ to, because it sounds scary as hell, and I don't know when exactly I'll do it, but I don't want to pretend I'm someone I'm not. This means a lot to me- _you_ mean a lot to me."

Lexa smiled softly. "You're important to me too. I'll be here for you when you do it."

Clarke scooted closer to her, and Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde, holding her close. "Thank you," Clarke whispered. "I'm glad."


End file.
